taytay

Am I Good Enough?

So lately I have been thinking about my past. Dangerous I know. But I still sit and wonder why I wasn't even good enough. I know many of you think you're not good enough. I'm not alone. But I have been through a lot. It all started sophomore year of high school with my first boyfriend. He made me feel special, beautiful even. And I did everything I could to make him fall in love with me, and I thought I did. Wrong, stupid me. I wasn't good enough. I got over it though and became close with a best friend, it developed to more, but he decided I wasn't good enough and went to another. Only this time I didn't wanta take no for an answer. I fell for this kid, even before we were anything more than friends. So I waited over a year and a half for him to finally fall apart with his girl. And then I got my chance again. It was even better than the first time. I was his. He made that clear, to me anyways. But it didn't take him but a week to replace not good enough me. I was devastated. We went from beat friends, to a couple, to him avoiding me, not even man enough to face me to end us before running off with someone else. I got over it, I made new friends. I met a boy whom inspired me and so I developed a crush. But he had his eyes set on someone else, because I wasn't good enough. That was an easier one to get over, and I did as soon as he started dating the other girl. I began dating an old friend. Him and I got serious fast. Even moved in together after I graduated. I put my life plans on hold for him. I was finally being loved back and it felt so good. But he knew how I felt about his past. And he fell back into it. I had to give him the altimatim. However when he told me his past was more important than I was, well I definitely knew I wasn't good enough anymore. I felt like I never was. This pushed me over the edge. I didn't care anymore. I slept around and dated guy after guy. I knew they wouldn't keep me. And they didnt.Till one day I met him. He changed the way I felt about myself. I felt so special and he really didn't treat me that special. So I had to end it. But I fell for him the first time I ever laid eyes on him.from then on him and I were on and off. But I wasn't even good enough to be the one and only. And I told myself I was. I even broke up with a man to be with him again. He didn't give me the chance I was promised though. I wasn't good enough. So I had to move on again. This time I stayed single for a while. I met an older, honest man at work. He was sweet and caring. Still is. But I started falling for him after six months and he wasn't in the same place. I tried to give him time but was lacking the affection. Our relationship wasn't going anywhere. I dumped him. I wanted to be with him but what good was it doing me. I didn't feel good about myself. I didn't feel good enough. He almost was the last one for a while but I met someone who I thought needed me. I was too needy it turned out. I was so needy it wasn't good. But it was because he dumped me I met the man I'm with now. This man takes me for everything I am. We work everything out. And he loves me. I don't know if we're meant to be but it's been a long time since I felt as if I have found my place. I feel good enough for once. But I can't believe it took me this long, took me finding him to realize I've always been good enough, it was those boys who werent. I am writing this because I want you to know that no matter how awful it gets, no matter how many times someone turns you down you have to know you are good enough. They were just the one not good enough for you.

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