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Doubt

I always have known that taking someone into your life constitutes a risk. But I guess I’ve never known how much of a risk until I am faced with it’s potential. How can you build a life on your own when another person is such an integral building block? A foundation of the self is helpful, yes, but still under construction. How do I manage my emotion, my attachments, my dreams, and my worries? How do I manage this without withdrawing completely in an attempt to protect myself? How do I dive in deep without a safety net and without air to breathe on the other side? It’s like potential energy, this fear of loss, it is simultaneously nonexistent and everlasting and utterly terrifying because I simply cannot deduce which direction the pendulum will swing or the wind may blow or how our lives may scatter.

How do I move ahead with this building block balanced every so delicately upon my fragile skull?

What do I do if it teeters and turns and crushes me?

What do I do if it never does?

How will I know if it’s true?

How will I know who you are?

How will I know how much you care, how deep you want to dive?

How do I love without regret?

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